Socially Awkwardly Anxiousness

Socially Awkwardly Anxiousness

Hi reader I just wanted to give a head up before reading

I suffer from SAA (Socially Awkwardly Anxiousness) now I'm not gonna call my made up concept an disorder because there is nothing wrong about being an SAA. It just something I am majority of my time.

Symptoms maybe;

Unable to talk to opposite sex
Unable to talk to people
Constantly talking to myself
Constantly looking at the distant and thinking about my problems or everyone problem with me; it sometime feels like this happens a lot

There are probably more or less but what I want to say is that there is nothing wrong with being yourself whether you are more introverted or extroverted.

Honestly I don't believe in 'verted' we have our own spectrum of identity that no one else will ever truly understand.

For myself I have for the last say 6 months been avoiding human interaction and just working to obtain the little  checklist in my mind.

It saddened me a little disappearing from the interaction of friends  but along the way of life I felt I lost myself and losing one own identity is not a great feeling. Feeling as through everyday had no real purpose or meaning this delusion I created for myself let me to feel down and always anxious about how I talked and acted toward people.

I made an executive decision to get rid of facebook because I hated just being feed other people's lives while knowing I wasn't  living my life the way I wanted to. I lost trust in myself and everyone around me and would constantly be prejudice to anyone that had an opinion of me or was trying to help me in someone way.

Before I deleted my facebook I unfriended people that I felt I hadn't kept in contact with for awhile then I unfriend everyone else on the list realising I haven't really been social on facebook for more then a year. So I ended up making the decision that I might as well delete it and I did for a while...

And Now I am back on the social media platform a week after they announced they had security and privacy issue with that data that we freely provided them to set up our profiles hahaha.However as much as really dislike button facebook I do believe it gives people the opportunity to stay connected as well broadcast their voice to the public about social issues.

I wish I could say that taking 6 months off  the social media giant the sits dormant on my phone and unfriending over 1600 people my bad, had helped me find who I was or who I wanted to be but that just didn't  happen. I did make me realise that I enjoy my alone time when I am by myself and especially if I am with or surround by other people. I had no need to constantly keep up with 'K' of social media, the food snapper or the memes are life.

I just was me, I just did me, I didn't need to think about what people thought of me. I became the hipster beardy asian that I wanted to be.
Yeah I still got room to improve.
Yeah I still don't know how to talk to girls or people.

But I realised that maybe everyone has those similar thoughts to and that if maybe I share my stories I might actually realise that I can relate to other people.

I'm just gonna be comfortable being myself first before I delusion myself into believing what other say I am.

So what about you?

Go be awkward
Go be anxious
But most importantly go eat some food wait I mean Just Go be you who ever you are however you are.

Sincerely JP